its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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