I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
