O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
