I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Randomize
