I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
