I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
