It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Randomize
