dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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