Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
