I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
