i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Welp...herpes.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
