i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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