just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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