i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
