We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
