Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
jump out the window naked night went bad
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
