I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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