Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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