i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
