An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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