2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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