Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Randomize
