i think my tv is drunk
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
