he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I don't want my vagina anymore.
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