It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
