i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
