He told me they were just razor bumps!
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
