Soap is not a condiment
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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