I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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