they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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