Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
