it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
This is the prime rib incident all over again
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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