You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
