i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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