Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
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