The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
