My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
