So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
