I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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