i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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