is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
