No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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