i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
