ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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