things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
