he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
