oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
