I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
