When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
