So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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