Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
