I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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