Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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