Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
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