That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
