So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
The air taste purple.
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